I know it’s been about three years since you wrote this, and I just wanted to check in. Reading that back then… damn, that sounded unbearable. Feeling like no one listens, like you’re being used, losing people, and then being left with the thought that you don’t want to be here. That’s heavy. I’m really sorry you went through all of that.
I hope, truly, that since then you found even a little bit of breathing room, someone who actually listens, a safer place, or help that made things less crushing. If things didn’t get better right away, that’s okay too. Healing rarely does in a straight line. You didn’t deserve to feel ignored or treated like a toy. Your feelings were real and important.
If you ever still feel that dark or like you might hurt yourself, please reach out to someone right now like a friend, a family member, or emergency services. Wherever you may be, please get in touch with your country’s crisis line. You matter enough to ask for help.
Even small things can help when everything feels overwhelming: getting out of the room for a bit, breathing slowly for a few minutes, telling one person “I need you to just listen,” or writing down one tiny thing you can do today. And if you can, finding a counsellor or someone trained to help with trauma and grief could really change things. They help with the exact stuff you described.
I don’t know what happened after you posted this, but I’m hoping you found a bit more safety and someone who actually hears you. If you want to tell me how things turned out, or just dump more here, I’m listening. You didn’t deserve any of that. You still matter.
