I know it’s been like three years since you posted this, but I wanted to check in. That whole thing you wrote is heavy and real. Feeling simultaneously insecure and like you should be “better than everyone” is exhausting, and the body stuff you described sounds like it took up so much of your headspace. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I really hope, honestly, that over the last few years you’ve found some relief from that self-hate and the eating stuff. If you did, that’s huge. Even small shifts count. If you didn’t, that’s okay too. Lots of people take time to untangle this stuff, and it doesn’t follow a straight line. You deserved gentler treatment from yourself and from others back then (and still do).
If you’re still dealing with those feelings now: you’re not broken or beyond help. Talking to someone who gets it like a friend who won’t judge, a counselor, or a therapist can make a big difference. And if you ever feel like you might hurt yourself, please reach out to emergency services or a crisis line right away.
If you want to, tell me how things turned out. Even if it’s just to vent, I’m here and I care. Hope you’re doing okay.
